Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2 movie review

After six years, this is the best they could do?!

Paul Blart (Kevin James) is a mall security officer who's living alone with his daughter after breaking up with his wife. He receives an invitation to a mall cop convention down in Las Vegas, and jumps at the opportunity. Little does he know, however, that a group of art thieves is planning a heist at that very same hotel. If that premise doesn't sound very exciting, it's because it isn't. Nothing in Paul Blart's narrative strays even remotely from the rote and clichéd, most likely because anyone who actually wants to watch Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2 doesn't care about the story. Indeed, the over-familiar narrative is the least of this dreadful sequel's problems.

The original Paul Blart, believe it or not, was something of a hit, and was even really profitable, but the latter fact stems from its low budget. This sequel has a higher budget than the first, but it's still obvious that this didn't cost very much to make. If anything, it appears that the movie only takes place in Vegas so they can make money off product placement for the hotel in which Blart stays. Of course, it doesn't take a lot of money to make a quality comedy, because the genre is based heavily on the writers. James co-writes this time around, which makes one wonder why he decided to give himself such an unlikable role as the protagonist. Blart is a pathetic character, meant to be humiliated and laughed at, but his ineptitude is more tiring to watch than actually funny. Had they made the character pitiable, he might have been a somewhat okay character, but instead he's an egotistical, controlling jerk. 

Bad things happening to an unlikable character may be the essence of a lot of comedy, but Paul Blart 2 is too mean-spirited for his moments of bad luck to be laughed at, and too much goes right for Blart anyways. This film reuses a lot of the same jokes, especially physical humour which can all be boiled down to unpleasant jabs at overweight people. Blart makes a few friends at the convention, but they're basically a collection of awkward figures that serve as little more than cruel punchlines. But hey, if being expected to laugh at people for being a little odd isn't unpleasant enough for you, the film has a running joke-if it can be called that-where various characters refer to Blart as not a "real cop". Somehow, though, the cruelty on display barely registers due to the sheer lack of any real effort put into the script. 

All the humour here aims for the lowest common denominator, which is a huge problem when there's nothing else to go for in the film. It looks average, the actors are putting in minimal effort, and the action choreography isn't taken nearly seriously enough to be at all entertaining. All that could be saved by a genuinely funny script, but that would require actual jokes beyond Blart sliding around the floor and driving around on a Segway. The only laughs to be had come from a pair of genuinely bizarre moments: One involves Blart getting beaten up by a bird, and the other involves Blart and the main villain, played by Neal McDonough, shouting at each other about how "crazy" they are. There. That's it. Those are the only things worth your attention in this film.

Happy Madison's Adam Sandler has been known for sneaking some unearned sentimentality into his movies, and while Paul Blart 2 doesn't include the studio's star, it wants in on the action as well. There are a few moments that are clearly supposed to elicit sentiment from the audience, but they're syrupy and manipulative, and many depend on Blart actually being likable. which he is not. However, even if he was, this is bottom-of-the-barrel treacle, putting in the minimum amount of effort to elicit a reaction. It never does. 

There are a lot of small, dumb moments that I could go on about here, but honestly, they're all so soulless and stale that they're not even worth mentioning. That's the worst thing about Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2 - it's not even bad enough to be offensive. Instead, it opts for vacuous nothingness; for tepid cynicism. It's not only that nothing about it is good. There's not a whole lot about this movie at all, and that's hard to muster up much anger about... or any other emotion, for that matter. In the end, this is a film that can't even justify its own existence. What a waste.

2/10