Newsletter 19/09/12

Ahoy, mateys! It be Talk like a Pirate Day! This is an experiment in a newsletter format. It'll have pieces on world news and popular music, and newer installments may have film reviews, internet content columns, and maybe-just maybe-an MLP column. Don't get your hopes up, I'm not going to forcibly talk like a pirate the whole way through.

Battleship review

Battleship... Where do I begin? It's a movie... based on a board game. A THREE HOUR MOVIE... BASED ON A BOARD GAME. I didn't finish it. I got about 2 hours in before I was done, and I don't think I was missing anything.

Okay, to be fair, the movie is AWESOME at first. The special effects are magnificent, and the action is fast paced and thrilling. Then you realize... that's all it is. When the movie focuses on the characters, it's hard to be invested because they simply aren't interesting. They're entertaining, seeing as how everyone's acting is causing more damage to the scenery than the actual alien attackers, but they're not interesting. The entire conflict only happens because the protagonist is a complete moron. The aliens weren't hostile, but then he had to go and engage them! This is also Rihanna's first acting role. UGH. She can't act. At all. Her performance is so wooden you get the feeling that she just doesn't care. What else do I have to say? Oh right-they start fighting the aliens by using a special grid... that is shaped like a Battleship game board. Wow.

Maybe I'll finish this movie at a later date, but it's just too long. I couldn't take another hour of it. If this invalidates the review for you, okay, fine. However, why would you make me watch the rest of it?