Winter's Tale extended thoughts

Here you will find my extended thoughts on Winter's Tale.

One of the first things you see in this movie is two parents stealing a model boat for which to send their baby on. No, seriously, they take the baby and put it in a model ship, then place that ship in the water, where it floats away. This baby is then raised by demons to become our main character. I am not making any of this up.

Then, being chased by these demon thugs, he runs into a horse, which he rides to jump right over a fence. Turns out this horse is actually a dog. Really, that's what they say. Peter begins talking to the horse, who he just calls "Horse." Apparently Peter already considers the horse his best friend, despite the fact that for all we know they must met. Similarly, the film's romantic subplot starts after the romantic interest finds Peter robbing her house. She invites him for tea after he says he doesn't intend to rob the house any more. Then suddenly they're in love.

At one point, one of the demons tries to order an owl at a restaurant. The restaurant, of course, doesn't serve owl. So, suddenly, the demon's face cracks and he murders the waiter taking his order. He proceeds to draw a smudge that vaguely resembles a red haired girl with the waiter's blood. Later it's revealed that this was relevant to the plot, because they needed to find a red haired girl who matches a picture "painted in virgin's blood". This is the first implication that the waiter is a virgin.

The second half of the film features us suddenly meeting Peter in the future, having "had no memory for as long as he can remember." Seriously. He talks to a journalist, asking her what she's looking for. She says "The cure for cancer". Flash forward to the ending. Turns out some child introduced near the ending has cancer, and is the person Peter's destined to save or something. Peter kisses this girl on the forehead after she dies of cancer. She comes back to life. Cue pretentious monologue, roll credits.

And that's just a sampling of this film's sheer lunacy. There's so much more where that came from.